This is ridiculous. What am I doing here? I'm in the wrong story!

In order to protect the innocent I won't go into details but let's just say there have been at least 5 different shows on the table in as many days and in attempt to not stress myself out about it let's play the "what should we write a musical about?" game!

I think there's the obvious, a childhood growing up in the theatre. But hasn't that been done to death? Or is it ok to still do because nobody has told our story? (By the way I'm not just using the royal "we" I'm sort of figuring that the only people reading this blog are working on this as well... Annie, Alex, Lena...and if you are just reading this for fun bully for you!) A life in the theatre is certainly fodder for some of the classics. But could our angle  be we writing about youth in the theatre specifically? That way schools can do it. It's female heavy. I'm already sold. Or does that make it too 13? 

Anyway, just thoughts for a Wednesday morning.

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There's not a tune you can hum...

Sooooooooo apparently I blog only yearly now.....
What's really amusing about that is that I felt compelled to write a very similar thing to what I wrote last year. I'm in a similar situation at school (trying to pick the musical for the year) and it is by necessity a messy process. So many people have opinions about what we should do, what kind of show it should be, what's good for the kids, personal taste etc. that it just becomes exhausting. And on a completely egotistical note, no one in the room knows more about musicals than I do so why don't they all just listen to me. ;)
But beside that painstaking process I think I'm dealing with a larger artistic issue that I need to attempt to articulate (and I've missed writing). Being in the midst of 2 weeks of professional development makes examining my purpose as a teacher unavoidable. Today we heard this amazing teacher speak about bringing the dreaming back to teaching, and finding your philosophy. When I think about what I bring to the table as a teacher I feel like I really only have my enthusiasm and my vast knowledge of musical theatre (it's possible I have other skills but I also think I have imposter syndrome so I'll never admit to it). So I really want to figure out how to make my love of musical theatre a stronger teaching tool. I know that I'll never get high schoolers to love my history of musical theatre lectures the way I wish they would but there is more to musical theatre. I think it's a deeper question of the genre and how it can effect change.
Which brings me to the next thing that's been on my mind. I want to write a musical. For a few reasons. 1) I don't necessarily think I'd be good at it but I'd like to try it once to say I did and to see how hard it actually is 2) While I don't think I'd be good at it I think I would be better than some by a purely academic standpoint, in that some people write musicals without knowing as much about them as I do 3) I want there to be more good musicals. Musicals that high schools can do. Musicals that do more than just bring films to the stage. Musicals that change the world. I'm not saying I can do it, but it seems silly think want something and not try to make it happen.
So I want to write a musical. For mostly academic purposes, not practical. But if it ends up being practical, great. And if the first week of school doesn't completely overwhelm me, maybe I'll write again before next August. And maybe it will be about this.

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Is Anybody There?

I know, it's been literally forever. I blame it entirely on work. Teaching theatre is probably one of the most exhausting difficult things I've ever done (with the exception of AWE). I also think it's possible that only Lena and Alex ever read this blog to begin with (love you both). But I have to rant. Now.

I love musical theatre. I respect the art form. I have a great passion for it and I'm fascinated by not only the history of it but the concept of it. There are few things in this world I love more. Therefore I am more than a little frustrated when fellow artists denigrate pieces of art I hold dear. Everyone is entitled to their opinions but I feel like musicals get more than their share of judgements based on little to no information. Maybe because it's so easy to produce a bad musical. People see a bad show and get turned off for life. Or maybe it's just the Brechtian quality of the alienation of people bursting into song which intimidates people happier with naturalistic realism. Whatever the case, there are shows that deserve to be taught, appreciated, and shared that get written off so quickly because they are perceived as dated, silly of fluffy. Many are. Don't get me wrong. There are some shows I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole...but that's because there is a rational reason which I could explain and back up and still sing you a few songs from the score.

I'm a teacher of musical theatre. I can say that now with some certainty. I'm tired of it being the red headed step child while at the same time being expected to be the bread winning. It's a paradox. Musicals are not the popular art form they once were. Of course they are still popular theatre (look at what's making the most money in the New York theatre scene) but it is not a part of popular culture the way it was in the golden age. That's why it's called the golden age. We will probably never see another My Fair Lady album topping the Beatles on the charts. There will never be a generation that knows a musical composing team as a household name. I know that to love what I do makes me born in the wrong era. But I don't think I was. I think instead that I was born to be a keeper of history, a critical examiner, a supporter of whatever comes next. But being that makes it that much more frustrating when people disregard and don't listen. Listen at least. Look. Examine. That's all that I ask.

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I'm Still Here

According to these post dates it's been over a year since I've posted anything. It actually perfectly lines up with when I stopped teaching musical theatre to adults and started trying to teach high schoolers. I say "trying to teach" because nearly a year and a half later I'm teaching theatre at a high school and my mind is in a very different place than when I was in school and had the liberty to do research of my own and write about Trude. (Isn't it funny how you can miss people you never knew just because you stop writing or reading about them?)

In any case it's been coming on me gradually that I might be happier if I got to write a little more. I haven't felt like I've even had time to think about writing with said career as theatre teacher. But honestly I may be coming up with just as many discoveries, just in different ways and of different things.

Teaching high school (and might I add not quite full time although it often feels like more than full time) is probably one of the most challenging things I've ever done. With the exception of AWE, I can think of nothing more difficult that convincing teenagers that you're actually teaching them important things that they will be grateful to know in the future. (It is also especially difficult when one is 5'1'') Some days there are rewarding moments and I think about how great it is, and some days I feel like they are sucking my soul out.

But now that I'm back in a show (working with my company gives me unending joy) I feel like I can take a bit of my own back. And writing is one thing I miss. So I'm gonna try to write about discoveries I make about teaching or discoveries about my work with Butterfield 8, but definitley writing about things that I love, because that makes my heart happy. Tumblr is for happy pictures and clips, but this blog is coming back as a place to write. So there.

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I Hear Music

So I have not real epiphany to share- I still don't have a great plan in order to fill my artistic needs but I did have a little nerd out last night. I mean I guess this happens to me often- but in the process of preparing for the part of my next lesson on Frank Loesser I put on an album of his songs and I just felt happier...like my endorphins know when I'm listening to good music. And that was really good. Later I was giving examples of Cy Coleman's versatility as a composer for Evan...and again I got really excited. If I could get paid for being excited about musicals...I would be a happy camper- if I got paid every time I was happy about a musical...I would be a millionaire.

Right now I'm just happy:)

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There's always a woman

Ok- So I don't have a plan yet. But here are some thoughts:

1) A Women's Musical Theatre Workshop- that would somehow entail women writing/directing/performing/creating new works of musical theatre- there is a history of women being delegated to the backseat of this art and I think it's time to do something about it. I was noticing all these women who had the original ideas for shows and then get co-credit for writing the book only...ok so I really just noticed that it was Dorothy Fields idea to write Annie Get Your Gun, and Bella Spewack's idea to write Kiss Me Kate... and oh apparently Mary Martin was the one who was working on a project about Maria Von Trapp before it became the Sound of Music- and we really only ever think about the men who wrote them- not to mention True...and on that subject...

2)Trude Rittmann- at least the wikipedia page! Even if there is no book in my immediate future (and I really still need to send my thesis to Bruce) there is still no Wikipedia entry for her- and I could really do that guys. And I should get on it. I was just rewatching this Richard Rodgers documentary that I first watched before I had even heard of Trude. First off they don't even begin to talk about Robert Russell Bennett let alone Trude so that peeves me. But then they go on talking about the ballets and the Twin Soliloquies moment as if that's Rodgers music and it just makes me boil. Which is why I wrote a thesis which I should not just let get dusty in my room. I should make it known. That is all....

3) Which brings me to something else I've always been meaning to do....so if I actually got my act together to create a Wiki page for Trude I might as well go in there and fix all those stub pages for musicals I know way more about. That would keep me busy and happy. And then I could post them here and people could see them. Maybe that would be a good calling.

So those are my ideas- more to come I hope

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Stop worrying where you're going...

I'm not writing for any special reason...no super epiphany has come to me...and clearly it's been a while. But something has to be done and really this is more for that for anything else right?

I'm engaged/married. Just in case anyone who doesn't know me is reading this and cares. The love of my life and the man I've lived with for three years wanted to put me on his health insurance and buy me a ring. So I'm legally married (for the health insurance) and publicly engaged (although anyone I know well knows that the wedding next year is the fun celebration part and will have nothing to do with the federal governments view of our union). It was a perfect proposal. And if you're dying to know all the details I'll probably publish it on a wedding website sometime in the next few months. But just know it involved Disneyland and the Peter Pan ride and it was the happiest moment of my life.

So now that I'm back to reality I'm kinda jumbled in my life's work. I'm teaching a musical theatre history class to seniors on Mondays, Pre-school with toddlers on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, and mime and clowning to high schoolers on Fridays. I've mostly been panicked about the Monday and Friday classes in recent history and that's why I haven't been thinking much about writing, but the more I prepare for the classes and the more I'm trying to find the essence of what I'm teaching...the more I realize there is a greater purpose in all this if I can only pinpoint and then articulate it.

Let me try to make that clearer for my own sake. Musical Theatre with Seniors on Monday is really cool, don't get me wrong, I've been wanting to teach this class since high school. It's a strange dynamic to be lecturing to a group of people who are at least twice as old as I am. They appreciate me, think I'm cute and energetic and obviously are interested in the material and enjoy being there...but I can't help thinking I'm a fraud...even though I know I'm not.- On the other hand Fridays are a bit peculiar since I really have very little mime training and I've never taught this class before...and it's three hours long once a week so it's kinda epic. So far it's going well but again, and maybe it's just that I'm a new teacher, I feel like a fraud. But even while I think these things to myself- that I'm not good enough to be teaching these things, that I don't have the right, that I'm a failure at life- I'm starting to realize, and maybe even believe, that it's less about the transfer of material knowledge, and more about what I'm providing and how I'm making each one of my students feel about what they are doing and how they are learning.

Ok so that really wasn't articulated much better but "the ideas have to come out like children" as Rachel says in Inherit the Wind. I'm still not convinced the teaching is my vocation- which is why I continue to question and write. I would like to challenge myself that even in this time of stress (because I'm literally stressed out everyday about whatever class I have next to teach) to do something more creative- some dedicated writing exercise just for me, or just for somebody else even...but something that means something to me- I'm thinking somewhere between Suzanne Lori-Parks 365 days/plays and Seth Rudesky's deconstructions. Somewhere in there there is something for me to do...something that's bursting to come out of me and maybe the longer I sit here and spew the more likely I am to come up with it. Nope. Well I'm gonna keep thinking...maybe I'll come up with something today...maybe that will be my goal...let's see.

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p.s. I'm totally talking about Trude in class on Monday...that should feed some semblance of my soul.