It's gonna be a happy new year....

New Year's Resolutions are not really my thing but I wouldn't mind getting in the habit of writing more. I'm 30 now. I think I know something. Or at least I'm trying to figure more things out. So I think that's worth keeping track of on the internet. Not with the intention of anyone really reading it but just for the sack of writing it and if someone happens to see it and wants to have a discussion then woho!

I'm mid school year so there's that. Loved directing The Clean House. I think it's the single piece of theatre I've directed that I'm most proud of. Probably up there in the pieces-of-theatre-I've-been-a-part-of too. It just seems like a blessing to have wonderful students, a beautiful play, great support from parent volunteers and incredible student designers and then bam see it come to life on stage and people really love it as much as you do.

It also got me thinking about what I can do to change theatre through the students I teach. I already teach plays and give scenes to students written by woman playwrights but I'm kinda on a mission now to make that a real thing. After directing Ruhl (and reading her amazing book of essays she doesn't have time to write) I want to expose my students to more female playwrights and tell them why that's important. I want them to know about the Bechdel test. I want them to challenge what they are seeing in the theatre and what they traditionally think of as important theatre. I am in the remarkable position to be able to tell young people that are as passionate about theatre as I am, that they are the ones that are going to make a difference and they are gonna do that by changing the work, demanding female playwrights voices are heard, that women of color have their voices heard. My kids are the ones who can do that and I can encourage them to do it. That's maybe the most important part about teaching I've come up with so far.

So as far as I'm able I want to direct shows written by women. Since I have choice and I can make that happen. Where I don't have choice (musicals cough cough) I can at least be vocal with my students about the future and what we should be looking at and what they can be working toward.

As if they could hear me, Shotgun Players in Berkeley are doing a season of only female playwrights. I'm going to support that initiative of change by buying season tickets (which I never do anywhere because I'm one of those flighty busy 30 somethings now). In case you're interested, check out their website: https://shotgunplayers.org/online/2015season

Anyway. That's where I am at the start of 2015. And as I have ideas I'd like to keep sharing them here. So here's hoping I can keep up with that.

Cheers.

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Children and Art

Getting ready to see kids on Monday. We had a back to school picnic today and while these things can be daunting I got really excited. I have some amazing kids I'm gonna teach and all I can do is hope that they stay as excited as they are now and ride my epic enthusiasm, which I think is my greatest asset as a teacher.
I have one girl in particular that I'm so happy to have again as a student. I had her two years ago and this year I will have her for two classes (including my musical theatre class) and as apprentice on the show I'm directing. She was the student who when times were rough in that class I would remind myself that I was teaching for her, I was doing it for her. And she's still that amazingly enthusiastic positive student today and I'm so jazzed. And there are new kids I'm jazzed about. And kids that I loved last year that are going on to the next thing and I'm excited for them too! I guess I'm actually having one of those I love teaching moments. And granted my tune my change a little by the end of next week, it's nice to know that I have these moments and that they can fill me with such hope. Maybe I won't write the next great musical, but maybe one of my students will, and in some ways isn't that even better?
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There's not a tune you can hum...

Sooooooooo apparently I blog only yearly now.....
What's really amusing about that is that I felt compelled to write a very similar thing to what I wrote last year. I'm in a similar situation at school (trying to pick the musical for the year) and it is by necessity a messy process. So many people have opinions about what we should do, what kind of show it should be, what's good for the kids, personal taste etc. that it just becomes exhausting. And on a completely egotistical note, no one in the room knows more about musicals than I do so why don't they all just listen to me. ;)
But beside that painstaking process I think I'm dealing with a larger artistic issue that I need to attempt to articulate (and I've missed writing). Being in the midst of 2 weeks of professional development makes examining my purpose as a teacher unavoidable. Today we heard this amazing teacher speak about bringing the dreaming back to teaching, and finding your philosophy. When I think about what I bring to the table as a teacher I feel like I really only have my enthusiasm and my vast knowledge of musical theatre (it's possible I have other skills but I also think I have imposter syndrome so I'll never admit to it). So I really want to figure out how to make my love of musical theatre a stronger teaching tool. I know that I'll never get high schoolers to love my history of musical theatre lectures the way I wish they would but there is more to musical theatre. I think it's a deeper question of the genre and how it can effect change.
Which brings me to the next thing that's been on my mind. I want to write a musical. For a few reasons. 1) I don't necessarily think I'd be good at it but I'd like to try it once to say I did and to see how hard it actually is 2) While I don't think I'd be good at it I think I would be better than some by a purely academic standpoint, in that some people write musicals without knowing as much about them as I do 3) I want there to be more good musicals. Musicals that high schools can do. Musicals that do more than just bring films to the stage. Musicals that change the world. I'm not saying I can do it, but it seems silly think want something and not try to make it happen.
So I want to write a musical. For mostly academic purposes, not practical. But if it ends up being practical, great. And if the first week of school doesn't completely overwhelm me, maybe I'll write again before next August. And maybe it will be about this.

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I'm Still Here

According to these post dates it's been over a year since I've posted anything. It actually perfectly lines up with when I stopped teaching musical theatre to adults and started trying to teach high schoolers. I say "trying to teach" because nearly a year and a half later I'm teaching theatre at a high school and my mind is in a very different place than when I was in school and had the liberty to do research of my own and write about Trude. (Isn't it funny how you can miss people you never knew just because you stop writing or reading about them?)

In any case it's been coming on me gradually that I might be happier if I got to write a little more. I haven't felt like I've even had time to think about writing with said career as theatre teacher. But honestly I may be coming up with just as many discoveries, just in different ways and of different things.

Teaching high school (and might I add not quite full time although it often feels like more than full time) is probably one of the most challenging things I've ever done. With the exception of AWE, I can think of nothing more difficult that convincing teenagers that you're actually teaching them important things that they will be grateful to know in the future. (It is also especially difficult when one is 5'1'') Some days there are rewarding moments and I think about how great it is, and some days I feel like they are sucking my soul out.

But now that I'm back in a show (working with my company gives me unending joy) I feel like I can take a bit of my own back. And writing is one thing I miss. So I'm gonna try to write about discoveries I make about teaching or discoveries about my work with Butterfield 8, but definitley writing about things that I love, because that makes my heart happy. Tumblr is for happy pictures and clips, but this blog is coming back as a place to write. So there.

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Stop worrying where you're going...

I'm not writing for any special reason...no super epiphany has come to me...and clearly it's been a while. But something has to be done and really this is more for that for anything else right?

I'm engaged/married. Just in case anyone who doesn't know me is reading this and cares. The love of my life and the man I've lived with for three years wanted to put me on his health insurance and buy me a ring. So I'm legally married (for the health insurance) and publicly engaged (although anyone I know well knows that the wedding next year is the fun celebration part and will have nothing to do with the federal governments view of our union). It was a perfect proposal. And if you're dying to know all the details I'll probably publish it on a wedding website sometime in the next few months. But just know it involved Disneyland and the Peter Pan ride and it was the happiest moment of my life.

So now that I'm back to reality I'm kinda jumbled in my life's work. I'm teaching a musical theatre history class to seniors on Mondays, Pre-school with toddlers on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, and mime and clowning to high schoolers on Fridays. I've mostly been panicked about the Monday and Friday classes in recent history and that's why I haven't been thinking much about writing, but the more I prepare for the classes and the more I'm trying to find the essence of what I'm teaching...the more I realize there is a greater purpose in all this if I can only pinpoint and then articulate it.

Let me try to make that clearer for my own sake. Musical Theatre with Seniors on Monday is really cool, don't get me wrong, I've been wanting to teach this class since high school. It's a strange dynamic to be lecturing to a group of people who are at least twice as old as I am. They appreciate me, think I'm cute and energetic and obviously are interested in the material and enjoy being there...but I can't help thinking I'm a fraud...even though I know I'm not.- On the other hand Fridays are a bit peculiar since I really have very little mime training and I've never taught this class before...and it's three hours long once a week so it's kinda epic. So far it's going well but again, and maybe it's just that I'm a new teacher, I feel like a fraud. But even while I think these things to myself- that I'm not good enough to be teaching these things, that I don't have the right, that I'm a failure at life- I'm starting to realize, and maybe even believe, that it's less about the transfer of material knowledge, and more about what I'm providing and how I'm making each one of my students feel about what they are doing and how they are learning.

Ok so that really wasn't articulated much better but "the ideas have to come out like children" as Rachel says in Inherit the Wind. I'm still not convinced the teaching is my vocation- which is why I continue to question and write. I would like to challenge myself that even in this time of stress (because I'm literally stressed out everyday about whatever class I have next to teach) to do something more creative- some dedicated writing exercise just for me, or just for somebody else even...but something that means something to me- I'm thinking somewhere between Suzanne Lori-Parks 365 days/plays and Seth Rudesky's deconstructions. Somewhere in there there is something for me to do...something that's bursting to come out of me and maybe the longer I sit here and spew the more likely I am to come up with it. Nope. Well I'm gonna keep thinking...maybe I'll come up with something today...maybe that will be my goal...let's see.

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p.s. I'm totally talking about Trude in class on Monday...that should feed some semblance of my soul.