The Coffee Cup I Think About You- A farewell to Sondheim Part 2A

It's been a week now and there have been many moving tributes. But like many, I can't stop thinking about the legacy and lessons Mr. Sondheim left us. I'm not much for ballads usually but his move me immensely. I've read people explaining about how he's an expert at expressing "longing" and there is definitely some of that on this list. The other category in here that has a formidable presence is creation and all the aches and pains that come along with that. There's also a lot of Sunday on this list and I even left a few off. (If you haven't watched the moving tribute in Time Square from Sunday here's a link to that video). But here we go:

The Moving Emotional Ones (in chronological order so I don't have to stress about which goes where in my heart):

Edit: Oh my gosh. My first category and it's already gonna be a two parter. Let's just call this Part 2A- pre 1980 and the next one will be 2B post 1980.

"Anyone Can Whistle"- Anyone Can Whistle: This is a show I've never seen, being one of his more tremendous flops. This is one of those exceptions that I'll talk more about out of the context of the show. I've never been within spitting distance of a staging although I had a friend in college (another Sondheim fan) who managed to see a staging that she absolutely raved about and to this day I'm jealous. I heard this song for the first time in college, sung by a friend of mine in a musical theatre class. It was emotional moment in my life, my grandmother had just passed, and something about the raw truthfulness of the lyric coupled with the gentle conversational nature of the melody absolutely slayed me that day. "I can dance a tango, I can read Greek-easy/I can slay a dragon any old week-easy" I think for me personally, there's something very profound in the idea that "what's hard is simple, what's natural comes hard" At my most vulnerable it's hard to admit that while I can be extremely capable I've always had a sense that life's simplest moments have been out of my grasp. "Maybe if you whistle, whistle for... me." Lee Remik's "me" there at the end slays me every time. Looking for other absolutely gut wrenching songs from this show be sure to check out "With So Little To Be Sure Of" which has gotten a lot of play this week too.

"Losing My Mind"- Follies: This song is textbook Sondheim longing. Each Loveland number set in such a specific musical moment is a triumph. In many ways it makes Follies the least "Sondheim sounding" of his scores. This torch song, taking its cue directly from the Gershwins, does everything to give Sally the end all be all of "longing" songs. Again, for the most part I much prefer Sondheim's densely packed witty patter songs, but here it is the grace and simplicity that bring home the emotional center of the song. In terms of expressing the kind of love that just won't let you rest this song does it all. You can hear Sally losing her mind just in the sheer repetition of the lyric. Plus nothing beats the precise imagery of "The sun comes up/ I think about you/ The coffee cup/ I think about you" You know that feeling exactly. It's the one that won't go away. And in this haunting melody it simply tugs and tugs. A good delivery of this song is absolutely gut wrenching. There's nothing you can do from dawn to dusk, you think about them. It is the peer of every great standard torch song, but with that extra bit of Sondheim pain. There is nothing more satisfying/unsatisfying. Also, may any one who has ever said Sondheim doesn't write "hummable" tunes have this stuck in their head on repeat. Feh. 

"Everyday a Little Death"-A Little Night Music: I could go on all day about this show which I have seen many many times because luckily people love doing it. Obviously "Send in the Clowns" could have gone on this list but you've all heard it and if you want to hear the definitive version of it look no further than Judi Dench on Cameron Macintosh's birthday concert. I've taught whole classes about that song and love it but it doesn't get to the very core of my being the way "Everyday a Little Death" does. I became aware of the song long before I knew the show. Female duets are less common in the cannon that one would imagine and this one always makes the list. But in the context of the show, even though the scene before it can be played quite comedically, there is nothing at all comedic in the situation and it comes out perfectly in the imagery of the lyrics. Here's a show that is essentially a sex farce and we've had a great deal of comedic and light hearted numbers up until this point and then bam. Both women reeling from the pain of losing love and/or dignity by losing control of their husbands comes to a head in this lilting yet driving number. When the two vocal lines come together they tumble over each other and are left in a heap of emotions, "Ah, well" is all that Charlotte can muster at the end of it. The B section absolutely kills me. I can't pick a favorite line, they are all a perfect combination of hopeless devotion and complete frustration. "He smiles sweetly/ Strokes my hair says he misses me/ I would murder him right there/ But first I die" Ughhhh. I can't. A good Charlotte gets me every time. 

Stay Tuned for Merrily and too many songs from Sunday.

Forever

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Children and Art- A farewell to Sondheim Part 1

This will probably take many days to write. But tonight I will begin with thoughts on the end of an era of musical theatre. Stephen Sondheim (3/22/1930-11/26/2021) made history in our world by always moving forward. The great mind mentored by Oscar Hammerstein II pushed boundaries just like his second father did. Sondheim in return became a mentor to so many of the next generation and I think that is what makes him a great artist. There are many songs of his to mark the grief of his passing but I can't stop thinking about "Children and Art" the song that Marie sings to George in Act 2 of Sunday in the Park with George. A song about the most important things we leave behind in this world. Children and Art. He left no biological children but even beyond the countless theatre artists he mentored he inspired even more he never met. We are all his children. He is our musical theatre father (which makes Oscar our grandfather which feels about right to me honestly). He left both children and art. Children of his own art. And I am forever grateful. 

There are already many lists indicating favorite scores and songs of his. This one by Linda Holmes from NPR is lovely. As with most things in this blog my list is more for my own emotional release than anything else but if anyone else enjoys it that's always good too. Again, this isn't gonna be your average list. Because if you read my blog you may have already noticed that my favorites are not always everyone else's favorites. But these are the songs that make me the happiest for whatever reason whether that is his incredible gift of wit and rhyme or his completely heart wrenching melodies. 

Edit: Nope this is gonna be several lists. Sorry. In fact let's just call this the table of contents post for a few posts to follow. I will come back and do a post about each list. Like I don't have enough to do. But let's call this my mourning process. I mean, if you're here reading my blog you can probably handle a few more Sondheim posts right? I may come back and edit this table of contents but for tonight it is good enough.

The Moving Emotional Ones:

"Children and Art"-Sunday in the Park With George

"Everyday a Little Death"-A Little Night Music

"Anyone Can Whistle"- Anyone Can Whistle

"Losing My Mind"- Follies

"Move On"- Sunday in the Park With George

"Finishing the Hat"- Sunday in the Park With George

"Not a Day Goes By"- Merrily We Roll Along

Group Numbers That Make Me Giddy:

"Please Hello"- Pacific Overtures

"A Weekend in the Country"- A Little Night Music

"The Frogs"- The Frogs

"Opening Doors"- Merrily We Roll Along

"Getting Married Today"- Company

"Someone in a Tree"- Pacific Overtures

Funny/Witty (this list might get longer):

"A Little Priest"- Sweeney Todd

"A Country House" - Follies

"Agony" - Into the Woods

"Mr. Goldstone, I Love You"- Gypsy*

"Officer Krupke"- West Side Story*

"Pretty Little Picture"- A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

"I'm Calm"- A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

"Chrysanthemum Tea"- Pacific Overtures

Unsettling yet Beautiful:

"Unworthy of Your Love"- Assassins

"Not While I'm Around"- Sweeney Todd

"Pretty Lady"- Pacific Overtures

"I Remember"- Evening Primrose

"Johanna (Quartet)"- Sweeney Todd 

"Loving You"- Passion

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"I like your style" or These are a few of my favorite Jazz Waltzes

 So the real reason I wrote the last post, was to explain this one. Basically, while listening to my vinyl "find" $1.95 copy of Applause I turned to my husband and said, "you know what my favorite song in this score is right?" Which lead me to spend the rest of the evening collecting my favorite jazz waltz showtunes. I'm not convinced I can rank them effectively so I'm gonna have to go chronologically.  I'm no musicologist, I just love these songs. So here we go, the ultimate feel good list of songs that make you want to get up and do a waltz clog with the person you love.  

"Wait Till We're Sixty Five" from On a Clear Day You Can See Forever (1965): First of all, this score is a winner. The story completely falls apart past the initial premise, woman with ESP falls in love with psychiatrist who falls in love with her past life. Alan Jay Lerner was a lot of things, including a fan of the clairvoyant, but it wasn't the stuff of a hit musical.  A hit song for Barbra and others sure, but not a permanent member of the cannon of classic musicals. I love A LOT of songs in this score (also Trude worked on the show as vocal arranger and musical continuity) so it actually took me till recently to see that this particular gem of a song fit perfectly into my jazz waltz obsession. Burton Lane wrote terrific melodies and this is certainly more of a charm song than anything else but this playful duet between Daisy (the one with ESP) and her fiancee-she's-no-longer-in-love-with Warren, gives a kick up your heals to embracing life's securities. The vocal selections give the tempo of the refrain as "in strong rhythm and vigorously" so it's not your average Rodgers waltz. With marvelously hilarious rhymes like "Safe from disaster/ No one haster take care of ma and pa./ All brown and rosy/ Living cozy down there in Tampa Fla." and "Life will be gala/ Every malady all completely paid. / And we've a plot a/ Terra cotta in which we'll both be laid" what's not to love. Oh Alan. But it's Lane's tuneful bounce that makes you want to skip all over the living room when you here it. Betty Walberg's excellent dance break with Robert Russel Bennett's orchestrations make a joyful boisterous carefree tune out of this completely practical subject matter. It could only have been made more hilarious by the wonderful straight man William Daniels (the way he hits the "v" the first time he says "sixty-five") and the comedic brilliance of Barbara Harris (the way she throws off "pa") I love them both soooooooooo much. Listen to it here

"One of a Kind" from Applause (1970). I talked some about Applause in my last post, but basically all my love for the 70's comes from this show (and the dance break of "The Music and the Mirror"). It's a 70s retelling of All About Eve with Lauren Bacall in the Bette Davis role. Music by Charles Strouse, lyrics by Lee Adams, epic orchestrations by Philip Lang. This delightful duet (again) between Margo and Bill (Bacall and Len Cariou) is true love at its finest. They're a bit of an odd couple, there's tension between them throughout the play, but this is one of those perfectly honest and playful charm songs that just makes you smile from ear to ear. The score calls for the song to be played "moderately in 1" but I feel the 3 of the waltz so strongly. In fact of all the jazz waltzes on this list this is the one I'd call the waltziest. Maybe because it's such a deeply romantic sentiment masquerading as a charm song. Lyrics like "you always grind your teeth at night/ Your snoring is a real delight/ It's noisy but we sleep alright" is what the young people used to call "relationship goals" in my book. There is not a dance break here but you can feel the dance all the way through. I'm also a sucker for the harmony, something about Cariou taking the high notes while Bacall sings the melody in the basement just tickles me. But it's the drive of that "in 1" that moves the song along and makes it one of the most delightful numbers in the score. I love it so much.

"I Like Your Style" from Barnum (1980): Cy Coleman being the great jazz man he was gives this song the marking "jazz waltz" and it couldn't be more accurate. With lyrics by Michael Stewart and orchestrations by Hershey Kay this song is another love song in charm song clothing, heavy on the charm. Like "One of a Kind" this troubled couple is coming to grips with their differences (which are many) and do it in this super cutesy catching tune. It doesn't hurt that it's Jim Dale as Barnum who exudes charm in his very pronunciation. And lovely young charming and not-yet-recognized-for-her-maniacal-roles Glenn Close as Charity. The two of them together bring forth a warm understanding of working through a relationship in this chipper toe tapping driving waltz. It feels like a direct descendent of "One of Kind" but with a vocal complexity you couldn't give Lauren Bacall.  Oh and this dance break. Cy Coleman was an absolute master of his craft and this break is delightful (and are those spoons Hershey Kay? I think they are). I literally cannot sit still writing this right now. Ahhhhh I love it so much!!! It just makes me happy. What can I say? I dare you not to dance along listening to this.

Honorable mention goes to:

"She Likes Basketball" from Promises, Promises (1968): Another "moderately fast in 1" this song is once again, an endearing love song parading as a comic masterpiece. Not unlike the title number of She Loves Me, Chuck here is getting good news about a girl and letting the whole world know about it. Not a duet, but still extremely charming for multiple reasons including that it's a Burt Bacharach and Hal David song but the number one most important reason is: Jerry Orbach. I mean who doesn't love Jerry Orbach. And could he be anymore adorable? In his overcoat and his perpetually hunched shoulders. Few things in life make me happier than his run jump bit in this number (thank you Michael Bennett). Anyway, it's a cute song to listen to but if you want the full experience you'll want to watch him do it on the Tony's here: You're welcome.

So there you have it. Now you know exactly what kind of a sucker I am. The romantic-jazz-waltz-duet kind of sucker. 

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What is it that we're living for....

My husband recently began a vinyl collection, complete with new turntable. He's got a very specific taste in music, his current collection ranges from Fleetwood Mac to Tuck and Patti to Japanese 70s rock band Happy End). Thankfully his taste has a musical theatre crossover, so he's encouraging my interest in collecting some of my favorite OBCs as well as some that never made the digital. (I love my CD collection and I'm never getting rid of it so there). 

The fun thing about this new hobby is the great "find." Today we opened a sealed Merrily We Roll Along OBC and I couldn't help getting chills. Here's this historic album that has a fairly big cult following but you can still find a mint copy from 1981 and we just opened it up today. Wild.

Besides this Merrily (which we listened to tonight) my greatest find was a few weeks back at a Rasputin in Pleasant Hill. I haven't allowed myself much in-person shopping during the pandemic but I had a few minutes before I had to pick up daughter #1 and daughter # 2 was with grandparents so I stopped in just to see what they had. I started fingering through the "Broadway A-G" and I found an Applause!

Side not about Applause: The regional theatre I basically grew up at did Applause when I was a fairly impressionable youth and it starred my hero and mentor as Margo Channing. It was my first real exposure to a real 70's aesthetic and I loved it. From the bright colors to the wild orchestrations I was hooked. Basically, I had an unhealthy obsession with the show from the time I was 13? Lauren Bacall, Len Cariou, a song called "Fasten Your Seatbelts" what's not to love? So I was excited to find it.

I took the vinyl gingerly out of the sleeve and noticed that I didn't think it looked too bad? My husband is already very discerning and I knew that if it wasn't good enough he wouldn't even let me play it on his fancy dancy turntable. Optimistically I put it back in the sleeve and held it in my lap as I continued my search. I saw some interesting titles and then happened on another Applause! Now I had to take this one out and look at it. It appeared to be cleaner than the first? I took it instead. Flip flip flip. A third Applause appears. What?! Pleasant Hill Rasputin for the win. This one had a gatefold and I almost just took it because of that, but then when I looked at the "media" (as the pros call it) it didn't look quite as nice as Applause #2. I should mention, these are all marked $1.95. A voice in my head said "just buy all three, $6 for 3 copies of Applause" but then I imagined the face of the poor employee checking me out and how I only had my half my masked face to explain what crazy thing I was doing... So I settled with copy #2. I also picked up a copy of Salad Days just because I liked the cover art...and it was also $1.95. 

I get home and a few days go by till we can sit down and listen to my Applause find. Turned out it was a fantastic copy. Sound is incredible. Probably barely played. I was pretty pleased with myself and I now fancy myself a first rate collector. 

It occurs to me that I set out to write one blog post and wrote another one completely...so stay tuned for part two of this exciting saga. Where I share my favorite Applause song as well as a list of my favorite songs from my favorite genre of musical theatre number: the Jazz Waltz. 

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Think of....the Tony!

It's been a good six years since I've touched this blog but I've recently found that writing is a good outlet for me. And since I'm not teaching right now and I have two very loud children to contest with during the day it's nice to have some quiet moments to reflect. So I'm starting it back up!

But now that we're here, let's be honest. I just have some things I need to get off my chest about the Tony Awards coming up this week so this is essence just gonna be a rant. That said, I'll probably try to not just rant on here but I did call it "Softly John, your voice is hurting my foot" for a reason....

Begin Tony Awards Rant:

First of all, I started watching the Tony’s in 1996. At the time, my adorable middle school self viewed it as a major moment of connection when I felt recognized and not alone in thinking other people liked musicals too. And here were these really amazing performances I got to watch on TV! But it wasn’t just that. From 1997-2002 PBS hosted the first hour of the Tony’s. Technical awards and backstage looks at some of the shows. I loved that. When they went back to being broadcast exclusively on CBS and just not showing many of those awards I wrote impassioned letters to whoever I thought would listen requesting the program be reinstated (these were the things that were important to me my senior year of high school). Cut to 2016 and I became the sole adopter of the #BroadcastBookandScore because I wanted CBS to show those awards so badly! We got one of them, not bad. But ever since no one replied to me emails about bringing back the PBS hour, I knew that the broadcast of the Tony awards was not meant to be an informative program, it’s a big commercial for the tourist industry that is Broadway shows. I get that. I appreciate it. I moved on. I always complain about it when something I really wanted to see gets cut or a particularly unnecessary performance or performer is featured to try to boost ratings but c’est la vie. I’m mostly over it. 

This year there is a similar split up that’s been causing quite the commotion. Paramount+ is doing the first two hours with most of the awards, the CBS is broadcasting a second 2 hour program with the big three awards and lots of performances, “Broadway’s Back” they’re calling it. Great. That fact that I’m still very anxious about live indoor theatre returning anywhere in the country right now (given the almost weekly announcements of cancellations going on in the West End since this summer when they opened up) is my own thing. I’m happy people are working again and I’m hoping everyone stays safe. I’m most likely not going to any indoor theatre events till my kids are fully vaccinated. (A whole other post is how much more theatre I got to see during the pandemic in the comfort of my own home after the kids' bedtime and how I’m genuinely going to miss that part of the pandemic). But great, Broadway’s Back and that’s the part that CBS wants to advertise on the network. Fantastic. The big complaints I’ve seen is that the first part on Paramount+ is behind a paywall, but as a 30 something who hasn’t paid for network television since I moved out of my parents house this argument troubles me less. I actually have Paramount+ because I kept getting streaming CBS free for the month of June to watch the Tony’s and then finally stopped canceling it when I got addicted to watching Colbert every night (p.s. I would like very much for him to host or at least co-host one year please) so while I completely get paywalls as an issue, to me their decision to go halfsies again makes perfect sense. They want people to go see the shows that are just reopening and need an audience, that’s what that part is gonna be about. Fine. Good. Don’t really think of it as the Tony’s, think of it as an advertisement for an industry in need. 

Speaking of industry in need: the rest of the theatre community is in a whole lot of need too and doesn’t get 2 hours on CBS Sunday night. If you’re going out and about (like I’m not quite yet) go see a show in your community. They are already back open and need your support and doing great work. I say this not knowing where you are or what you’re seeing. They just are. 

Back to the Tony Awards broadcast. This year is obviously not a typical year. A great many shows (including all the musical revivals) that would have been eligible did not open before the shut down. It was a tricky and pretty much unprecedented situation, so of course this year is out of the ordinary. I think my biggest complaint is that they went ahead and nominated the few shows that had opened. Of course those performances deserved credit but the arbitrariness of “oh well Six was gonna open the night ALL OF NEW YORK SHUT DOWN I guess it doesn’t get nominated this year” felt weird. Also, no musicals are nominated for best score and Aaron Tveit will win best actor in a musical (because he was the only one nominated) unless enough people just refuse to vote for him (but common he was so perfect in Schmigadoon!) Suffice it to say, this year is gonna be weird. Some awesome stuff for sure. There were some serious plays that had opened and some serious representation that had been missing honored with nominations (let's get Jeremy O. Harris and Adrienne Warren some Tonys at least). But again, still just weird. I mean, we’re not “post-pandemic” but this feels like it’s celebrating moments another world ago, “pre-pandemic” which is very much another world ago, to me at least. 

Anyway, after all that, of course I’m watching. Hoping since we have 2 house with Audra on Paramount+ (which she is already the queen of thanks to The Good Fight) that in the spirit of the old PBS hour we might get to watch all the technical awards and fun things like orchestration! And book! But with so few new musicals that had opened it also already feels like a let down. 

Oh and last but not least, as a west coaster I’m pretty sure we get this first 2 hours on Paramount+ live (4pm PT) but then because the next part is the CBS network part it’s gonna be tape delayed and we’ll have to wait till 9pmPT…..Bahahahaha! But zero people will confirm this for me on Twitter. What a mess. What a year. 

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p.s. for a full list of nominees check out the official Tony Awards page

Finishing the Hat

Don't want to say too much at the present but I'm finally at the place in my life where I'm writing a musical and it's an exciting fulfilling process and I'm totally stoked! Many more details to follow. Specifically about multiple intelligences, giving equal voice to kids, and how the heck one structures a musical. Whee!

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It's gonna be a happy new year....

New Year's Resolutions are not really my thing but I wouldn't mind getting in the habit of writing more. I'm 30 now. I think I know something. Or at least I'm trying to figure more things out. So I think that's worth keeping track of on the internet. Not with the intention of anyone really reading it but just for the sack of writing it and if someone happens to see it and wants to have a discussion then woho!

I'm mid school year so there's that. Loved directing The Clean House. I think it's the single piece of theatre I've directed that I'm most proud of. Probably up there in the pieces-of-theatre-I've-been-a-part-of too. It just seems like a blessing to have wonderful students, a beautiful play, great support from parent volunteers and incredible student designers and then bam see it come to life on stage and people really love it as much as you do.

It also got me thinking about what I can do to change theatre through the students I teach. I already teach plays and give scenes to students written by woman playwrights but I'm kinda on a mission now to make that a real thing. After directing Ruhl (and reading her amazing book of essays she doesn't have time to write) I want to expose my students to more female playwrights and tell them why that's important. I want them to know about the Bechdel test. I want them to challenge what they are seeing in the theatre and what they traditionally think of as important theatre. I am in the remarkable position to be able to tell young people that are as passionate about theatre as I am, that they are the ones that are going to make a difference and they are gonna do that by changing the work, demanding female playwrights voices are heard, that women of color have their voices heard. My kids are the ones who can do that and I can encourage them to do it. That's maybe the most important part about teaching I've come up with so far.

So as far as I'm able I want to direct shows written by women. Since I have choice and I can make that happen. Where I don't have choice (musicals cough cough) I can at least be vocal with my students about the future and what we should be looking at and what they can be working toward.

As if they could hear me, Shotgun Players in Berkeley are doing a season of only female playwrights. I'm going to support that initiative of change by buying season tickets (which I never do anywhere because I'm one of those flighty busy 30 somethings now). In case you're interested, check out their website: https://shotgunplayers.org/online/2015season

Anyway. That's where I am at the start of 2015. And as I have ideas I'd like to keep sharing them here. So here's hoping I can keep up with that.

Cheers.

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Children and Art

Getting ready to see kids on Monday. We had a back to school picnic today and while these things can be daunting I got really excited. I have some amazing kids I'm gonna teach and all I can do is hope that they stay as excited as they are now and ride my epic enthusiasm, which I think is my greatest asset as a teacher.
I have one girl in particular that I'm so happy to have again as a student. I had her two years ago and this year I will have her for two classes (including my musical theatre class) and as apprentice on the show I'm directing. She was the student who when times were rough in that class I would remind myself that I was teaching for her, I was doing it for her. And she's still that amazingly enthusiastic positive student today and I'm so jazzed. And there are new kids I'm jazzed about. And kids that I loved last year that are going on to the next thing and I'm excited for them too! I guess I'm actually having one of those I love teaching moments. And granted my tune my change a little by the end of next week, it's nice to know that I have these moments and that they can fill me with such hope. Maybe I won't write the next great musical, but maybe one of my students will, and in some ways isn't that even better?
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This is ridiculous. What am I doing here? I'm in the wrong story!

In order to protect the innocent I won't go into details but let's just say there have been at least 5 different shows on the table in as many days and in attempt to not stress myself out about it let's play the "what should we write a musical about?" game!

I think there's the obvious, a childhood growing up in the theatre. But hasn't that been done to death? Or is it ok to still do because nobody has told our story? (By the way I'm not just using the royal "we" I'm sort of figuring that the only people reading this blog are working on this as well... Annie, Alex, Lena...and if you are just reading this for fun bully for you!) A life in the theatre is certainly fodder for some of the classics. But could our angle  be we writing about youth in the theatre specifically? That way schools can do it. It's female heavy. I'm already sold. Or does that make it too 13? 

Anyway, just thoughts for a Wednesday morning.

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There's not a tune you can hum...

Sooooooooo apparently I blog only yearly now.....
What's really amusing about that is that I felt compelled to write a very similar thing to what I wrote last year. I'm in a similar situation at school (trying to pick the musical for the year) and it is by necessity a messy process. So many people have opinions about what we should do, what kind of show it should be, what's good for the kids, personal taste etc. that it just becomes exhausting. And on a completely egotistical note, no one in the room knows more about musicals than I do so why don't they all just listen to me. ;)
But beside that painstaking process I think I'm dealing with a larger artistic issue that I need to attempt to articulate (and I've missed writing). Being in the midst of 2 weeks of professional development makes examining my purpose as a teacher unavoidable. Today we heard this amazing teacher speak about bringing the dreaming back to teaching, and finding your philosophy. When I think about what I bring to the table as a teacher I feel like I really only have my enthusiasm and my vast knowledge of musical theatre (it's possible I have other skills but I also think I have imposter syndrome so I'll never admit to it). So I really want to figure out how to make my love of musical theatre a stronger teaching tool. I know that I'll never get high schoolers to love my history of musical theatre lectures the way I wish they would but there is more to musical theatre. I think it's a deeper question of the genre and how it can effect change.
Which brings me to the next thing that's been on my mind. I want to write a musical. For a few reasons. 1) I don't necessarily think I'd be good at it but I'd like to try it once to say I did and to see how hard it actually is 2) While I don't think I'd be good at it I think I would be better than some by a purely academic standpoint, in that some people write musicals without knowing as much about them as I do 3) I want there to be more good musicals. Musicals that high schools can do. Musicals that do more than just bring films to the stage. Musicals that change the world. I'm not saying I can do it, but it seems silly think want something and not try to make it happen.
So I want to write a musical. For mostly academic purposes, not practical. But if it ends up being practical, great. And if the first week of school doesn't completely overwhelm me, maybe I'll write again before next August. And maybe it will be about this.

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Is Anybody There?

I know, it's been literally forever. I blame it entirely on work. Teaching theatre is probably one of the most exhausting difficult things I've ever done (with the exception of AWE). I also think it's possible that only Lena and Alex ever read this blog to begin with (love you both). But I have to rant. Now.

I love musical theatre. I respect the art form. I have a great passion for it and I'm fascinated by not only the history of it but the concept of it. There are few things in this world I love more. Therefore I am more than a little frustrated when fellow artists denigrate pieces of art I hold dear. Everyone is entitled to their opinions but I feel like musicals get more than their share of judgements based on little to no information. Maybe because it's so easy to produce a bad musical. People see a bad show and get turned off for life. Or maybe it's just the Brechtian quality of the alienation of people bursting into song which intimidates people happier with naturalistic realism. Whatever the case, there are shows that deserve to be taught, appreciated, and shared that get written off so quickly because they are perceived as dated, silly of fluffy. Many are. Don't get me wrong. There are some shows I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole...but that's because there is a rational reason which I could explain and back up and still sing you a few songs from the score.

I'm a teacher of musical theatre. I can say that now with some certainty. I'm tired of it being the red headed step child while at the same time being expected to be the bread winning. It's a paradox. Musicals are not the popular art form they once were. Of course they are still popular theatre (look at what's making the most money in the New York theatre scene) but it is not a part of popular culture the way it was in the golden age. That's why it's called the golden age. We will probably never see another My Fair Lady album topping the Beatles on the charts. There will never be a generation that knows a musical composing team as a household name. I know that to love what I do makes me born in the wrong era. But I don't think I was. I think instead that I was born to be a keeper of history, a critical examiner, a supporter of whatever comes next. But being that makes it that much more frustrating when people disregard and don't listen. Listen at least. Look. Examine. That's all that I ask.

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I'm Still Here

According to these post dates it's been over a year since I've posted anything. It actually perfectly lines up with when I stopped teaching musical theatre to adults and started trying to teach high schoolers. I say "trying to teach" because nearly a year and a half later I'm teaching theatre at a high school and my mind is in a very different place than when I was in school and had the liberty to do research of my own and write about Trude. (Isn't it funny how you can miss people you never knew just because you stop writing or reading about them?)

In any case it's been coming on me gradually that I might be happier if I got to write a little more. I haven't felt like I've even had time to think about writing with said career as theatre teacher. But honestly I may be coming up with just as many discoveries, just in different ways and of different things.

Teaching high school (and might I add not quite full time although it often feels like more than full time) is probably one of the most challenging things I've ever done. With the exception of AWE, I can think of nothing more difficult that convincing teenagers that you're actually teaching them important things that they will be grateful to know in the future. (It is also especially difficult when one is 5'1'') Some days there are rewarding moments and I think about how great it is, and some days I feel like they are sucking my soul out.

But now that I'm back in a show (working with my company gives me unending joy) I feel like I can take a bit of my own back. And writing is one thing I miss. So I'm gonna try to write about discoveries I make about teaching or discoveries about my work with Butterfield 8, but definitley writing about things that I love, because that makes my heart happy. Tumblr is for happy pictures and clips, but this blog is coming back as a place to write. So there.

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I Hear Music

So I have not real epiphany to share- I still don't have a great plan in order to fill my artistic needs but I did have a little nerd out last night. I mean I guess this happens to me often- but in the process of preparing for the part of my next lesson on Frank Loesser I put on an album of his songs and I just felt happier...like my endorphins know when I'm listening to good music. And that was really good. Later I was giving examples of Cy Coleman's versatility as a composer for Evan...and again I got really excited. If I could get paid for being excited about musicals...I would be a happy camper- if I got paid every time I was happy about a musical...I would be a millionaire.

Right now I'm just happy:)

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There's always a woman

Ok- So I don't have a plan yet. But here are some thoughts:

1) A Women's Musical Theatre Workshop- that would somehow entail women writing/directing/performing/creating new works of musical theatre- there is a history of women being delegated to the backseat of this art and I think it's time to do something about it. I was noticing all these women who had the original ideas for shows and then get co-credit for writing the book only...ok so I really just noticed that it was Dorothy Fields idea to write Annie Get Your Gun, and Bella Spewack's idea to write Kiss Me Kate... and oh apparently Mary Martin was the one who was working on a project about Maria Von Trapp before it became the Sound of Music- and we really only ever think about the men who wrote them- not to mention True...and on that subject...

2)Trude Rittmann- at least the wikipedia page! Even if there is no book in my immediate future (and I really still need to send my thesis to Bruce) there is still no Wikipedia entry for her- and I could really do that guys. And I should get on it. I was just rewatching this Richard Rodgers documentary that I first watched before I had even heard of Trude. First off they don't even begin to talk about Robert Russell Bennett let alone Trude so that peeves me. But then they go on talking about the ballets and the Twin Soliloquies moment as if that's Rodgers music and it just makes me boil. Which is why I wrote a thesis which I should not just let get dusty in my room. I should make it known. That is all....

3) Which brings me to something else I've always been meaning to do....so if I actually got my act together to create a Wiki page for Trude I might as well go in there and fix all those stub pages for musicals I know way more about. That would keep me busy and happy. And then I could post them here and people could see them. Maybe that would be a good calling.

So those are my ideas- more to come I hope

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Stop worrying where you're going...

I'm not writing for any special reason...no super epiphany has come to me...and clearly it's been a while. But something has to be done and really this is more for that for anything else right?

I'm engaged/married. Just in case anyone who doesn't know me is reading this and cares. The love of my life and the man I've lived with for three years wanted to put me on his health insurance and buy me a ring. So I'm legally married (for the health insurance) and publicly engaged (although anyone I know well knows that the wedding next year is the fun celebration part and will have nothing to do with the federal governments view of our union). It was a perfect proposal. And if you're dying to know all the details I'll probably publish it on a wedding website sometime in the next few months. But just know it involved Disneyland and the Peter Pan ride and it was the happiest moment of my life.

So now that I'm back to reality I'm kinda jumbled in my life's work. I'm teaching a musical theatre history class to seniors on Mondays, Pre-school with toddlers on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, and mime and clowning to high schoolers on Fridays. I've mostly been panicked about the Monday and Friday classes in recent history and that's why I haven't been thinking much about writing, but the more I prepare for the classes and the more I'm trying to find the essence of what I'm teaching...the more I realize there is a greater purpose in all this if I can only pinpoint and then articulate it.

Let me try to make that clearer for my own sake. Musical Theatre with Seniors on Monday is really cool, don't get me wrong, I've been wanting to teach this class since high school. It's a strange dynamic to be lecturing to a group of people who are at least twice as old as I am. They appreciate me, think I'm cute and energetic and obviously are interested in the material and enjoy being there...but I can't help thinking I'm a fraud...even though I know I'm not.- On the other hand Fridays are a bit peculiar since I really have very little mime training and I've never taught this class before...and it's three hours long once a week so it's kinda epic. So far it's going well but again, and maybe it's just that I'm a new teacher, I feel like a fraud. But even while I think these things to myself- that I'm not good enough to be teaching these things, that I don't have the right, that I'm a failure at life- I'm starting to realize, and maybe even believe, that it's less about the transfer of material knowledge, and more about what I'm providing and how I'm making each one of my students feel about what they are doing and how they are learning.

Ok so that really wasn't articulated much better but "the ideas have to come out like children" as Rachel says in Inherit the Wind. I'm still not convinced the teaching is my vocation- which is why I continue to question and write. I would like to challenge myself that even in this time of stress (because I'm literally stressed out everyday about whatever class I have next to teach) to do something more creative- some dedicated writing exercise just for me, or just for somebody else even...but something that means something to me- I'm thinking somewhere between Suzanne Lori-Parks 365 days/plays and Seth Rudesky's deconstructions. Somewhere in there there is something for me to do...something that's bursting to come out of me and maybe the longer I sit here and spew the more likely I am to come up with it. Nope. Well I'm gonna keep thinking...maybe I'll come up with something today...maybe that will be my goal...let's see.

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p.s. I'm totally talking about Trude in class on Monday...that should feed some semblance of my soul.

Stupid men are the only ones worth knowing, after all.

As a sort of an update on the job front, I have managed to secure myself one more teaching gig for the fall, which I'm a little nervous about but ultimately should be lots of fun and hopefully lead to a great deal more opportunities. So that's good.

On a what-makes-me-a-truly-happy-person front" I've just finished up a week of rehearsal and performance of a first reading of my company's adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. And here's the kicker...I'm so friggin in love with Elizabeth Bennet. I mean truly who doesn't enjoy this story and look on Elizabeth as the heroin of all heroins...but I had no idea what reading those words would do to me. As I've officially stated to severally people, there is no way I am giving up this part and I have every intention of holding firm to it through it's full staging...and perhaps beyond...because I am entraced with it all. Lizzy (in our two night P&P by Mr. Donald Hardy) runs the gammet, she is snarky, witty, determined, happy, infuriated, mortified, and best of all, falls slowly and beautifully in love beyond her own control. I'm sorry but who wouldn't die to play this part? Who wouldn't die to do this show?

Well ok that's not such a hard one to answer. It is very simple and clear that the men who are most passionate and intrigued about this show are the gay ones. I'm not even making generalizations. It's the women and the gay men and the straight ones....well...it has its moments they say ....but overall I noticed a complete sense of "why do we care who Mr. Darcy marries?" which sort of makes my mind explode...how can you NOT care who Mr. Darcy marries? From my first hand expereience with my boyfriend for example I was holding out great hope. I mean I was mortified when I realized he had never read or even seen a film adaptation, but not surprised. (Same deal with Anne of Green Gables...what's up with that?) I had high hopes that he would be intrigued by the story, it's a comedy of manners and he loves Earnest...not the case...report in: romantic comedy, not compelling story, not enough conflict...etc. etc. I find this totally incomprehensible...but not inconsistent with other straight men's take on the classic work.

I can't help but thinking there has to be some sort of reason, what is it about Austen that atomatically turns off men of the hetro persuasion? It's not as if a good deal of the population doesn't find it enthralling, romantic sure but also witty and comparitivly well structured as these stories go. So I ask you, gentle reader, what is it about P&P that turns off men? It must be culturally manufactured because most gender constructs are but truely I find it baffling. How is it that something that women find so appealing is so utterly uninteresting to men? My righteous feminie side argues that the female author aspect has at least something to do with it...and once I follow that route I am forced to be furious by the shear neccisity that male authors, stories with male heros, are somehow more universal than anything written by a woman. A story with a female protagonist written by a woman is automatically too feminie for men to appreciate? understand? relate too? Of course these are questions that have bothered me for quite some time but having them so appear in my everday life is always maddening.

I understand that Elizabeth is the protagonist in P&P and that therefore it may be easier for females (and at least a certain percentage of gay men) to relate to. Most of the male characters have their share of faults but what is so wholly wrong with men aspiring to be like Bingley? Or even as manly and ultimatley modest and hero like as Darcy? Don't they get if there were more like that we would like them more?

I digress a little perhaps but I just felt that there must be other people who have noticed this particular phenomenum (I hope there is already some thesis written about this very subject) but I thought I would just get it out of my system, as I am sure to be obssessed with it for at least the next 6 months.

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Putting it Together

So I've just finished Summer Camp. 18 campers aged 7-11 performing Once Upon a Mattress (the gtk version....R&H's jr version short for Getting to Know you....that cracks me up). Anyway, it was a great group of kids and the show was very cute...had I had more than 4 weeks 4 days a week it could have been great and cute...but it was really cute none the less.

So that leaves me back at my search for work and meaning in life and theatre...this week I'm trying to take it easy...mostly because I'm exhausted but good things are coming my way anyway.

Tonight begins rehearsals for our one week speed workshop reading of my companies adaptation of Pride and Prejudice (by the phenominal Don Hardy). For one precious week I read Elizabeth Bennett...it's like the cherry on top of the rest of this year...Thomasina, Ophelia and Lizzy...it just doesn't get much better than that!

I also have a meeting tomorrow with some folks from OSA (Oakland School for the Arts) who are looking for a master class kinda teacher to do one day a week starting in the fall...I don't think I'm exactly what they want but they want to meet me so that's a good sign right? Pieceing things together...putting it together?

Anyway I suppose I should start my conserted search for a full time job again starting next week sometime...along we going back to my fabulous pre-schoolers who are probably taller and talk more now and I'll freak out...a month for little kids is an amazing amount of time.

And through all this and figuring things out...I've had this nagging thing in the back of my mind. I really had fun with Summer Camp this year...and working with kids who had never been onstage before and had little to no experience with theatre made me feel important. Like I was actually teaching them something that would help them...I mean obviously that's the point but on that point is something really really important. I feel I'm tetering on the edge of figuring out what make change. I sometimes feel guilty because I feel like what I'm doing doesn't make change, but the more I do this the more it feels like it matters and so this might not read like it makes sense...but I'm seeing things start to make a little more sense in the bigger picture I guess is what I mean.

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Dear Friend,

Why are letters so awesome?

I forced Evan to write letters to me when we started dating because I insisted that someday all our emails would be lost and even if they weren't I could never keep them in a romantically perfumed box. So I have a romantically perfumed box with our love letters in them...that I hope my grandchildren will find.

But getting entirely to the point. I spent today at the Library of Congress...not finding out quite as much about Trude as I would like but still getting some gems. Mostly from Joshua Logan's papers. He saved several letters from Trude. They make me feel more attached, because I feel so much like her in so many ways...at least I write letters like her :)

I don't think the Library of Congress will much mind if I reprint my favorite here...it's a letter she sent to Josh on November 8, 1954 just after Fanny opened (their second show working together) :

Dear Josh,
Thank you so much for that wonderful basket a la francais. It touched and cheered me up (I had the opening night blues and didn’t go!)
I shall drink a toast to you no less affectionate than Panisse to his wife. There are never enough words to express what working with you means to me. (I have no gift for words) and so instead, I send you an affectionate hug and kiss. How I wish you could rest now-
All my love to Tom and Nedda
Fondly,
Trude

That's just a short one...none of them were very long but there were all very sweet. Holding them in my hand was amazing. It moves me deeply. As do letters in general.

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But I cannot choose but weep

While I am off to Washington D.C. tomorrow in hopes of digging through Fritz Loewe's letters stashed away at the Library of Congress I don't think I have the heart to think about research today.

We're back to soul searching I suppose. I found myself in tears last night. (And this was after I used quite a few onstage for my final performance of Ophelia). And it's not like I don't understand the process. In fact I was thinking about it yesterday. Theatre kids, even seasoned ones, have a difficult time closing shows, tend to hang onto the moment and the important people attached to it and I think it's because they understand deeply the emotional implication of the "life" cycle of doing a show, to put it simply. There is nothing more organic than a good creative show. The collaboration of working with people to create a process, something on a page that literally comes to life. It is born and grows. You put it in front of an audience and it breathes life. And then the day comes when it must close (and everything must close someday ,,,Phantom..take a hint). And when it does I think it's usless to ignore the mourning process. I think children, who feel things so intensly and understand the pain of loss without ignoring it, might cry when a show closes. I did when I was eight.

And then I did again last night. I won't bore you with too many gritty details but it did make me feel like a child again. And I felt slightly justified because it was really a release from the last two shows I worked on (essentially most of the same cast came straight from Arcadia into Hamlet...try that brain fucker sometime). But there are maybe little things. Like my Hamlet, who is a remarkably talented young man who knows Hamlet better than some of my professors, who proclaims he may not go on stage again (I respect spending time with God but at the cost of theatre? I'm not that kind of girl.) Or maybe it is the end of the season. Spring might bring birth but it also is rife with closure (and allergies I might add) and therefore has never been an entirly satisfying time for me. I don't like when good things end. Maybe a little bit steams from the thrill of playing Ophelia, something I most likely will never do again...and honestly after this expereience I don't know that I would want to do it again. But mostly I just feel like a child again...emotionally anyway...letting it all come out without much matter for who sees me do it, or reads this I suppose.

And it comes from this individual deaths that we experience every few months that actors begin to learn to store up their emotional strife, and bottle it for the next appearance onstage. Sometime my bottle spills I'm not gonna lie. And if it spills at the end of this beautiful season I don't mind so much. The last five months have reminded me of who I am.
So I find solace and happiness, a) in the library doing research b) writing c) being onstage d) singing really loudly. Too bad no one will pay me to do any of those things :) It's strange to be twenty-five and still figuring out who I am, but then again, I am grateful that at least I know this much. And I am grateful I have had the oppurtunity to do it all at least once really well. Thank you.

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We Know What We Are But Know Not What We May Be

Well I supose I should begin with a Trude update:

The Sound of Her Music: Musical Arranger Trude Rittmann's Life and Work, has officially been accepted by the Graduate Office at SFSU and I guess will be available in their library starting in the fall...I actually have no idea if that is true but I do know that it is currently being bound and all that. One hundred pages and I don't even feel like I've begun to do her justice. Exploring two ballets, two choral numbers and a couple of moments of underscoring doesn't even come close to expressing the sweeping talent and body of work. I'm really not joking when I talk about making it a book, but I'm also kidding myself to think that I will have the time or resources to really do it any justice any time soon. I guess it's ok to be 25 and already have a lifelong goal, something you feel you have to finish before you die...it just makes things feel more urgent already.

The reason I'm not settling in to write the book is that I would like to get a job in order to make some money in order to get off my parents payroll and therefore have some greater sense of independence (not to mention get married and have a family etc. etc.) So I'm searching for jobs...maybe not as hard as I should be. But the problem is there is nothing quite like sitting in the Performing Arts Library at Lincoln Center and doing research all day. And then talking to someone like Bruce who understood me. And then coming home and writing it all down at Peet's. I'm not at the stage in my life where anybody is going to pay me to do that. And I understand. So I'm taking the CBEST and applying for teaching jobs, and editing jobs, and anything that I can see that remotely relates to theatre.

But I have this other problem. I'm falling in love with acting again. We had a falling out. I made the decision not to pursue it as a profession, and I still stand by that. But being a part of a company that feeds my soul, and being onstage in delicious roles. It's all too much. I love it too much. And so I desperately want to find jobs that understand this and can work with this "addiction" as it were. But who knows what I will find.

At the TBA conference one speaker talked about finding your personal mission statement. Or at least that's how I interpreted it. So I jotted some notes in my journal about feeding my theatrical desire, my desire to write about theatre, and spending plenty of time with my loved ones (specifically that really patient man I share a house with).

Anyway it's all really complicated...as life should be. If it wasn't I'm pretty sure I would spontaneously combust.

Bustibility, bustibility combustibili-

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